Good News and Annoying Symptoms

Good news everybody! I finally have my knee surgery date! It's in a week!? It's in a week from this morning. Someone else had to cancel and apparently I was the first person who was free to take their place. This is both good and bad news. Good because I really would like my knee to not be causing constant pain and going off track at random times. Bad because i'll likely miss a week of school (or more) and have to do painful physiotherapy for at least six weeks. But still...after that it should be all good!

The surgery i'm getting is called a lateral release. Thats where they go in with small incisions and a camera and snip some connective tissue that is too tight and pulling the kneecap off center. The connective tissue will heal and be less tight and the physiotherapy ensures your muscles help hold the kneecap in place. It's an outpatient procedure, so hopefully i'll be able to go home the same day.

I'm hoping over the week to stock up my freezer with some meals so Bran wont have to do all the cooking (and i'll have something to eat when he is at work and i'm recovering). I'm thinking easy things like soups, especially since we don't have much freezer room. Maybe some french toast...

In other news, annoying mood swings today. Had an anxiety attack, which was stopped with the help of some passion flower extract. Then after I got home from class my head felt achey and was getting symptoms similar to when I came off cymbalta. It might be because i'm titrating off of amitriptyline, if I recall it has a longer half life so maybe i'm only getting the discontinuation symptoms now?

Pain in hip was up a bit, maybe 3/4.

Manufacturing Class and Lyrica

So this is my 366th post! That mean's i've written (all together) a year's worth of posts. Pretty exciting.

Anyway, Lyrica is pretty heavy duty. I woke up in a complete fog. It was like walking in a fun house most of the day. It cleared up later, around 2 pm, so I was able to attend class. This is at 75 mg twice daily mind you, so i'm starting out a bit heavier than others i've read about (who started at 50 mg once daily). I think i'll be alright though. As I said, I made it through class and tomorrow is a day off then the weekend so i'll have some time to adjust. I'm also titrating off amitriptyline, though I don't think the fogginess was from that.

In other news, I had a really great time at class! We were learning about herbal tablets and capsules. We actually made some tablets (although they are wet, and would need to be dried out) :D. It's amazing how easy they were to make, but granted we had medical grade herbs in class. If we were making it for clients we would need to be much more careful about measuring and whatnot. Still, it was fun :).

Pain level was down today, maybe only a 2 or 3. Whether that is due to lyrica or just a good day i'm not sure. I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow :) quite excited for it.

48 Hours Later

It's been a long 48 hours. Monday I was feeling pretty good, until the evening when my back hurt so much I had trouble sleeping and woke up a lot. Tuesday my back spasmed horribly, and more of my leg went numb (i've had a numb stripe since the microdiscectomy). ER, three crying fits, and a few hours later i'm sent home and told to see my gp and start some nerve pain meds. So thats what I do. I missed class again today (which I HATE doing) to see my gp (and have another crying fit >.>) and get a script for Lyrica.

I also got a script for sertraline. Because i'm not coping and my anxiety is up so high that i'm apparently crying infront of every health practitioner I come across. I'm not particularly proud of this...the crying or the sertraline...but I can't keep going like this, with either the pain or the emotions about the pain. I've used sertraline in the past with success, so i'm hoping it'll help carry me through this rough patch. 

So now i'm starting up a small dose of Lyrica and titrating down the amitriptyline before adding sertraline in 8 days or so. It isn't going to be a fun 8 days or so. I've already given warning to my husband. But i'm hoping this will help. I'm just so tired of this.

Break in the Storm

Feeling tired. Today my levels were significantly down, thankfully. I'm not sure why...the only differenced are that I laid down more yesterday and I actually took my panadol osteo at 6 am this morning. Whatever it is, i'm thankful. I had a nice chat with my counsellor as well. She called me rather than have me go in, as it's still difficult to walk. She thought it was good that I was able to make the connection between the childhood trama and my fears about getting worse. I'm thankful to have her as a resource. I'm hopeful that i'll be well enough to go back to school this week.

Revelations

I had a bit of a break down today. I woke up in a lot of pain and quite stiff. To the point where it took me an hour before I could kneel down and feed Milo. Even then, I ended up dropping his food and had to clean it up (while crying because it was so painful!).

I never wanted to end up at a point where I would need someone to help me with daily living tasks (bathing, feeding, using the toilet, etc,) but today I was almost there. I had trouble washing my hair yesterday, today I could barely clean myself. It's a hard thing to think about, i'm only 23! I don't want to have to have someone help me clean myself! It's bad enough that I need Bran to help out with so much else, but I will not ask him to help me take care of myself in that way. I never want to have to ask him to. I don't want to get to that point!

I don't know what i'm going to do if I get any worse...

I remember working as a nurse's aide, helping others with their daily living task. They were the elderly or the severely impaired. I had no problem helping them, but I am so sensitive about other people touching me. I think that's what it might come down to. I don't know if i've come out and said this, but I was sexually abused as a young child. It has impacted me in ways i'm still sorting through today, but i'm thinking this may be one of them. I don't want to lose control of my body ever again. It's beyond the embarrassment of having someone else clean me, I know they don't care what my body looks like. It's that I don't have control over my body. I'm figuring this out as i'm typing this, so sorry if it's a bit repetitive.

I think this is something i'll need to talk over with my counsellor.

Milo's paw is looking much better BTW.

Rough Stuff

It's been a rough day. I woke up thinking I heard Milo whimpering, so of course I sat straight up (scaring him in the process) hurting my back. He was fine, it was actually a bird calling that I heard. But here I was in a lot of pain.

Thankfully I already had an appointment with the osteopath, so after spending most of the day laying on the couch in horrible pain and doing the 20 minute (usually 10) walk down to their office I was offered some relief. Relief in the form of more pain as the osteopath pushed against knots in my back and manipulated bits and bobs, but goodness did it help! I feel about 70% better than I did this morning. Still not awesome, I wouldn't go for a long walk, but I might be able to manage grocery shopping tomorrow.

Milo has been licking one of his feet again. Just his back left, so I don't think it's an allergic reaction, but it's worrying none the less :( poor thing is a bit OCD about it. He is back to wearing a sock.

Upping amitriptyline to 60 mg.

Bad Days...

Today has been a hard day. I woke up with pain, had a side dish of pain, and then it got worse.

I saw my rheumy today. He was quite pleasant, if not a bit useless...There really isn't anything he can do to help this time though. The pain i'm having is nerve pain related to my sciatic nerve and some issues around the L4-L5 disc in my back. So he is happy to write a referral to a pain specialist, but thats about it. Yoga, tai chi, water exercise. Thats once more what he says to do (along with the pain specialist). I'm already on amitriptyline, and my GP and rheumy both don't want to add anything heavier. I don't really wan't anything heavier either. They make me feel off or have anxiety attacks and don't help so much with pain so there isn't much of a point.

I was feeling really mad earlier, but now after having take my panadol with codeine and amitriptyline i'm feeling tired and zoned out.

And I have a bug bite on the bottom of my foot :(