48 Hours Later

It's been a long 48 hours. Monday I was feeling pretty good, until the evening when my back hurt so much I had trouble sleeping and woke up a lot. Tuesday my back spasmed horribly, and more of my leg went numb (i've had a numb stripe since the microdiscectomy). ER, three crying fits, and a few hours later i'm sent home and told to see my gp and start some nerve pain meds. So thats what I do. I missed class again today (which I HATE doing) to see my gp (and have another crying fit >.>) and get a script for Lyrica.

I also got a script for sertraline. Because i'm not coping and my anxiety is up so high that i'm apparently crying infront of every health practitioner I come across. I'm not particularly proud of this...the crying or the sertraline...but I can't keep going like this, with either the pain or the emotions about the pain. I've used sertraline in the past with success, so i'm hoping it'll help carry me through this rough patch. 

So now i'm starting up a small dose of Lyrica and titrating down the amitriptyline before adding sertraline in 8 days or so. It isn't going to be a fun 8 days or so. I've already given warning to my husband. But i'm hoping this will help. I'm just so tired of this.

Bad Days...

Today has been a hard day. I woke up with pain, had a side dish of pain, and then it got worse.

I saw my rheumy today. He was quite pleasant, if not a bit useless...There really isn't anything he can do to help this time though. The pain i'm having is nerve pain related to my sciatic nerve and some issues around the L4-L5 disc in my back. So he is happy to write a referral to a pain specialist, but thats about it. Yoga, tai chi, water exercise. Thats once more what he says to do (along with the pain specialist). I'm already on amitriptyline, and my GP and rheumy both don't want to add anything heavier. I don't really wan't anything heavier either. They make me feel off or have anxiety attacks and don't help so much with pain so there isn't much of a point.

I was feeling really mad earlier, but now after having take my panadol with codeine and amitriptyline i'm feeling tired and zoned out.

And I have a bug bite on the bottom of my foot :(

Lyme and Uni

Feeling very tired. I had my last day of classes today, now two weeks for study and two final exams. This semester was much more difficult than last and i'm still not on the full time path for this degree. I'm not sure how long it will take me to finish it...if i'm averaging a year and a half to each meant-to-be-year than I guess about 6 years? Bummer.

I've also been looking into testing for lyme disease. It isn't really considered here is Oz, despite evidence showing that it does indeed exist here. So doctors who are knowledgeable and willing to treat it are few and far in between. The nearest one to us is three hours north on the Sunshine Coast. It's a differintial diagnosis for all the crazy stuff thats gone one with me though, so I figure it's worth a shot! Plus Bran and I have decided that we'll take a trip up there some time over the summer break and make a weekend out of it :) i'll see this special doctor and then get to spend the rest of the weekend on the beach, win-win!

On a different note, happy Beltane :). It's still odd to me having the seasons (and thus holidays) reversed, especially considering we were married on Beltane (May 1st in the northern hemisphere).

Rheumy Rant

As you could have guessed, i'm having a rough time right now. All this stress has thrown me into a flare, especially in my right shoulder/elbow/wrist. I had a rheumatology appointment today, when I came home I ended up sleeping for 4 hours! And i'm still tired!

Speaking of my rheumatologist, he was once more pleasant but dismissive. Basically no inflammation in the joints = not his field. And fibro is just misinterpreted pain signals o.O. Really? Because I totally couldn't tell between the brain fog, fatigue, GI problems and horrible pain i'm experience. Must be something else right? Because tai chi will totally fix all that.

I'm not putting down tai chi, I actually haven't tried it, but I have done other gentle exercises and while they help with loosening things up and relaxing they don't help with all the other problems! Plus, quite a bit of the pain I feel seems more tendon related. There would be inflammation in the tendons, yeah? But that once more isn't joints. Apparently medicine doesn't work very well for inflamed tendons. How about some pain killers maybe!?!

Not to mention he is continuously comparing my pain to his own osteoarthritis and back pain. It's alright to make a comparison to try and explain that you have empathy, but he seems more like he's saying "yeah, everyone has pain, look at my pain! I'm in pain too! But I can still run and lift weights and you should too". I really just don't understand how comparing pain that is quite normal for a 50-something year old to an autoimmune disease in a 23 year old is meant to be helpful...

I just feel like i'm running into a brick wall as far as rheumatologists go. My first one was also very dismissive and told me to get off antidepressants and just be happy o.O. This one is dismissive and doesn't seem to be interested in actually treating me beyond methotrexate and making sure my blood tests are within normal range.

On a lighter note, I did actually get a nice nap in today. I was falling asleep on the bus, so my body must just really be trying to recover from all this stress. Hopefully this weekend will be a nice quiet one.

Also some good news to end with! My husband's job is now offering flexible hours and as he goes in early anyway, he'll now be able to come home earlier :). This will help a lot with Milo and i'm sure be nicer for him <3 maybe we can go back to our afternoon walks together.

Surprise MRI

I had my visit with the neurosurgeon about my back today. It was just so workcover can figure out whats going on really. He said basically i'll be fine, just that there isn't a particular time frame of when i'll start feeling better (the back injury, anyway). So i'm not really sure what workcover is going to do with this information...

Anyway, I also got to jump ahead in line for my right hand MRI! This will show whether the arthritis has damaged my joints yet. Despite the fact that I only put in the request today, they had a cancelation so i'm up tomorrow afternoon. I'm not really sure what I want it to show...of course I don't want there to be damage, since that is irreversible and bad, but part of me wants to have something to show to my rheumatologist to say "See! Told ya! Now I would like it if you gave a crap!". We'll just have to see. It'll be good to get a baseline anyway for in the future to judge if any/how much damage is done in a specific time period. If there is damage, it'll also help say whether it is PsA or RA. I'm not really digging either, but there are some different ways they are treated.

On a very good note, my Naturopath has me on some new tablets that I think are helping. One is a pain tablet which I do notice helping, since I can tell when it wears off (lol). Another is one thats meant to help me calm down and sleep better. I think it's helping, I did sleep well last night. The last is st. john's wart which has anti-depressant/anti-anxiety properties. That one has for sure helped me get off the stupid cymbalta! I've actually not has any brain zaps today, and even over the past two weeks they've been bearable and decreasing. I feel a bit bad that I wasn't able to tolerate the liquid mixes he made, i'm not sure if it was the alcohol base or what...but I just couldn't do it.

Now i'm off to bed to prepare for another full day tomorrow of class, MRI, and a doctors appointment all in different areas of town >.> Yay!

Fun with the Rheumy (Not)

Today I went and saw my Rheumatologist. At first he was lovely and nice then he got angry. At me. For looking up symptoms >.>... Granted, i'm sure he gets it all the time, and he was right in what he was saying but he was still mean! I think he thought I was arguing that I had lupus or something, but really I was just asking about it. I don't think I have lupus (thank the gods!) but I am afraid that it'll develop. That's what it really comes down to, we look things up because we are afraid that we'll end up with something worse. I also know for a fact that if I hadn't looked up symptoms, I would not have fought to get the initial blood test to begin with!

Ah dear, anyway.... He didn't apologise, but he was much nicer after I agreed with him, then started crying. The thing is, he doesn't get that i'm in pain. He knows it. He hears me say it. But he doesn't know how bad it is. And there is no way he could, I understand that. Which is why I was asking about those other things to begin with! For the record, I was asking about fibromyalgia, lupus, and dermatomyositis because along with joint pain I do get muscle pain and spasms. I'm quite thankful that I do not have lupus or dermatomyositis but he did agree that I had fibro.

So what does that mean? Ok, I am indeed in pain. Likely because my nerves are fried from being in pain constantly... I don't have any inflammation markers in my blood, so thats where the fibro comes in. But how is it treated? Well, no one flipping agrees apparently. He gave me a drug called tramadol to take, which is kind of like narcotics but not as addictive. So we'll give it a go...

I think he may have charged me less because he made me cry >.>.

New Rheumy and New Meds

So saw the new Rheumy today! He was actually very nice :) quite passive and happy to explain everything I asked about. And. On. Time. Major plus to me. He is quite sure I have some kind of problem, but he isn't sure if it's psoriatic arthritis (I don't have any psoriasis currently), seronegative rheumatoid arthritis, or something called polyarthritis which is pretty much the same only different o.O. In fact they are all similar and are treated in the same manner other than rheumatoid tends to be more disfiguring and polyarthritis is just kind of a catch-all? Meh. He upped my MTX to 20 mg (it's going to be a fun sunday night -.-) and added another DMARD called Plaquenil. Plaquenil is actually an anti-malarial drug but works on a particular white blood cell to make it less angry. He said it'll also help with fatigue, which would be awesome :). I also get to have an MRI on my right hand (since it's been hurting the longest) but it'll cost a pretty penny. *sigh* This is what happens when you see a doctor privately without insurance here in Oz.

Beyond that it was a normal day. Calling up people about the apartment and going to class. We are finally getting a bit farther along with the contract but the loan guy is away on medical leave, so i'm not sure whats up with that...hm. I hope he feels better soon anyway.

Pain wise not too bad today. Hands are sore and R foot is a bit sore.

New Rheum tomorrow. We'll see how it goes >.>. I'm half expecting him to put me on a biologic and half expecting him to dismiss me. I'm not sure which is worse o.O. I'm feeling very tired again. I was up a bit early today, more headaches. My R foot and R hand have also been more-than-normal sore today, though my L hand has also been sore especially in the morning.

I forgot my anti-inflammitories at home -.-. So after my exercise class was not so much fun, especially as I had to walk around a shopping center for a while (grocery shopping and checking K mart). Blah.

On a lighter note, because my foot was angry, Bran made me a yummy dinner of spinach ravioli with tomato sauce and just a bit of cream cheese mixed in! <3 he's the best!

Ok, my brain is starting to feel like a marshmallow again, so goodnight.

Adventure Day with Medical Professionals!

Ah dear. It's been a very busy day today. I didn't sleep well last night so that hasn't helped.

It started off cold. Cold and sore. After a hot shower and curling into a ball for a while I could move. It then continued on to going to my lovely counselor. As lovely as she is, we were tackling a difficult issue using EMDR therapy. I do feel that i've mostly processed what needed to be done and I do feel much less anxiety in regards to the issue. Which is great news as it's something that has caused me great emotional stress for most of my life. Oh but there is more, next time we are working on some family of origin issues! Good stuff.

Next up I had a (free!) bus ride back into the gap. That was bumpy but otherwise fine. Got my little implanon thing, visited the vampires (had to give blood for a lab test), and then visited a different gp to get the implanon inserted (my gp doesn't do it, sad). That was mostly fine except that local anesthetic hurts >.> more than her actually inserting the little rod under my skin. Now I have a nice bruise forming under a compression bandage that i'm meant to keep on for 24 hours.

After that I felt like I was going to pass out.

So after some rest and actually eating I did feel mostly better. I had a fun adventure in the grocery store with a brain that felt like a marshmallow. I don't remember half of what I got but it included chocolate, cookies, coffee and coffee mate. So i'm set ;).

Soreness was down a bit today (huzzah!). Still mostly hands, wrists,  R foot, R knee, and shoulders. My elbows are a bit more sore now after the blood was taken and a little plastic rod stuffed in the other arm.

I also saw a very funny movie about the origins of the "hand held mobile massager" ;). It was called Hysteria and I would recommend it to other females for kicks.

Long Day Tomorrow...

It was another sore day today. My R foot especially. I was hobbling around quite a lot >.>....buying that walking stick on monday. 

This one. isn't it cute :)

Feeling a bit better now, but i'm dreading tomorrow. Not only do I have to go visit the vampires again, but I have to do the EMDR therapy again. It ended up being quite rough last time...so i'm not sure how it'll go this time around. I'm also getting an Implanon contraceptive stick put in since apparently the bc pill can increase migraines, which I was recently (yesterday) diagnosed with. Fun stuff. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. 

Fun Times With MTX

It's been a hecktic few days. On monday I finally got to see the rheumy, who once more told me my arthritis is mild (I know that, but telling me over and over doesn't make my knuckles hurt less!) and seemed irritated that I was doing my own research >.>. I had to badger him a bit to sign a form for me to get some occupational therapy for my hands :/ but I persevered!  He then gave me a script for methotrexate (mtx) and folic acid and sent me on my way. I'm awfully glad i've done my own research though, because he told me absolutely nothing about methotrexate beyond it's a chemo drug but the dose for arthritis is much much smaller. Nothing about avoiding too much sunlight or tanning beds or not taking NSAIDS within 24 hours (bad for your liver) or call your doctor right away if you develop a dry cough because your lungs could be dying >.>...

Anyway, I was pretty sick about 6 hours after I took my dose, and continued to be nauseous for most of yesterday. I also was nauseous today about an hour after taking my normal meds. Thus prompted the call and trip to the gp. Wonderful gp discussed mtx with me, we talked about options for dealing with the nausea, she asked about other problems and sent me off with a script for an anti-nausea med to take a few hours after I take the mtx.

I also saw my counselor for the first time yesterday. I have the feeling it's going to be difficult to work though the problems I want to, but it'll be worth it in the end :). She seems like a really lovely person as well, very easy to talk to. Which is always a plus for a counselor XD.

Pain: arms, shoulders especially (might be more muscle), jaw, ankles, toes, R knee, hips

Meth(otrexate) Head

Saw rheumy. Blah. Swimming went well. I took the methotrexate about an hour ago and it's made my brain fuzzy :(. So i'll do a proper update tomorrow. Goodnight.

GF Pizza and a Date

Today I had a nice date with my Husband :).  We went out to one of our favorite restaurants (I think I may have eaten gluten >.> did get some tummy cramps) and went to a travel expo (and played 'who could get the most pamphlets' which of course my poor Husband ended up carrying home ;) ).  We walked along Southbank and talked and talked. It was nice to be out with him, it seems like we've both been so busy lately. It was good to re-connect. Then I made pizza and we watched anime. A wonderful end to a wonderful day with a wonderful spouse!

I made a gluten free pizza today :). I used an all purpose gf flour mix from the grocery store (i'm not quite confidant enough to mix my own) and it turned out pretty well! I used something based off this recipe from Gluten Free Goddess. I did change some things (a whole egg, and the flour) and baked it like I would my typical pizza, but it still came out really lovely! Not quite the crisp pizza I like, but a nice soft dough-y crust that did the trick just fine (and beat Dominos GF pizza out of the water ;) ). Now I just need a good cheese substitute >.>.

Rheumy visit tomorrow, wish me luck!

Pain: Sternum, jaw, arms, R hand especially, R knee, ankles, big toes.

Sore

Very sore wrists and hands. Very sore. Could barely hold a spoon :(. Quiet rest day today. Ankle is still weird. Can't wait to see the rheumy on monday. Maybe wrist braces would help?

Zoloft

I'm pretty amazed that I didn't have an anxiety attack at the doctors today o.O. I have problems with the "women's health check". It causes anxiety attacks EVERY TIME except this time. Which I say is probably thanks to the zoloft. Well...i'm no happy to be on another drug, but I am happy that I am more able to do things I need/want to do without having such high anxiety about it. Thats about it.

Pain: R elbow is very sore :(. Arms, R foot, L ankle, R hip, knees, sternum a bit.