I am feeling somewhat better after a trip to the physiotherapist :). She didn't really tell em anything new, but she gave me some more stretches to do and a strengthening exercise for my foot and one for my knee. She also did something called trigger point activation on my hip (where the muscles had gotten painfully tight). Basically she found a really hard spot, and pushed her elbow into it! Gods did it hurt, but it felt so much better afterward. I walked out with a smile and an appointment for next week!
On a completely different note, i've joined another Pagan meet up group. I had been to one Pagan meet up before, but this particular covent were a bit too rambunctious for me. This one seems more like solitaries getting together to practice, which suits me well enough. I've always struggled with what I believe and what kind of path I should take. I was raised very loosely Christian, but found more in nature than I ever did in church. At around 12 or 13 I started reading some books on Wicca that my sister had gotten, and really enjoyed the idea of having a feminine and masculine, of loving nature and being able to put your energy into the universe to seek what you need. Although at the time I had no idea what kind of path this would bring me on.
Since I could really form the thoughts I have always believed in a power in nature, and a universal flow. I believe that if you put forth energy, you are sure to get something in return (in a similar way to people believing that if you seek God, he will provide what you need). I believe that prayer and spellwork are the same, just in different forms. I have a hard time thinking about an actual all knowing being in the sky, whether Pagan, Christian, Jewish or any other sort. I do believe in Otherworlds, where beings that are not human are (angels in Heaven? Similar.)
Anyway, I've been practicing off and on for around 10 years. I tend to go through a few months of heavy meditation/spellwork and then months and months of not being able to do it. I think a big part of that is that I don't have a physical community to exchange ideas with (though hopefully that will be changing) but also that I have such a mash up of ideas, it makes it hard to really try and follow one path. I have questioned my faith numerous times, but it always comes back to my core beliefs in nature, energy and the universal flow of things. There is still so much I don't know, i'm really looking forward to meeting some like-minded people. I don't know if i'm willing to wear the pentagram again, as i'm not sure that really represents me, but I know in my heart that i'm facing in the right direction.